So I was flicking through Katie Piper’s instagram and found this incredible quote which makes me think of Lucy and her super awesome personality. She’s independent and keen to learn, she loves to explore and is loving towards others. What I admire most if her passion and determination to overcome whatever she faces.


‘And one day, she discovered she was fierce and strong and full of fire. And not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.’

I can only hope that this little one that I’ve just started growing is just like their older sister.

Just a short one today, I’m in an incredibly lazy mood!



6.11.17 The Start of a New Journey


So, being just 6 weeks pregnant and absolutely exhausted already I’ve come to conclusion that I really need to look after number one.

Well, number 2 (little Lucy will always come first). We’ve both been poorly this week, coughs and colds all round but I think (touch wood) we’re coming out of the other side of it!

I picked Lucy up from nursery earlier after finishing work to find her crying on a practitioner’s lap. It took me what felt like ages to calm her down and even then I had to carry her half way home.

As soon as we were home however, she perked up a little and we’ve spent the evening relaxing together. She’s super curious about mummy’s tummy baby and already lies close to my stomach and talks to her sibling. It literally makes my heart melt.

So, my plans to stay happy, healthy and smiling include (so far) the following…

A pregnancy yoga DVD workout every Monday and Friday evening. (I used this DVD so much with my first pregnancy and it really helped me focus and keep a positive mindset.

A nice walk (preferably on my own but that can [sometimes] be negotiable) on a Saturday or a Sunday.

A brisk bike ride on whichever weekend Day I have free.

A warm bath (most) nights with low lighting, calming music and essential oils for relaxation.

15 minutes reading before bed, accompanied by a cup of chamomile tea.

And… (I am most hopeful for this one) a solid (apart from toilet breaks) 9 hours sleep.

After all, I am sleeping for two!

Throughout the day I’ll be watching my sugar and caffeine intake and drinking tonnes more water (something I’ve always been guilty of, is ignoring my bodies need for more natural fluids).

We’ll see how this all pans out! And I’ll keep you all updated.

For now, I’m off to shunt the toddler back into her own room.


My admittance.


When I was first admitted to Holville Institute I spent seven lonely days and nights in my room in silence. I took this time to take in my surroundings and assess my living quarters. My room had four walls, as many do, one weighty, willow green door with a small hatch and one window sporting five thick, black bars. All four of the walls were woodchip and three were painted a dull yellow. The yellow walls may once have been bright and attractive but years of general wear and tear were visible. The fourth wall was painted a night time blue and was covered in markings where other inhabitants had hung posters and photographs. I had no posters or photographs to hang on the blue wall and wondered if staff would allow me to repaint it. I shook this idea out of my head quickly; it was clear that staff were not concerned about interior design. I have no tools to measure the room but I estimate that it is around four and a half metres squared which makes it slightly bigger than I expected.

Prior to my arrival I was handed a document with details of the accommodation. The document stated that each room contained the following furnishings:

  • One single bed, mattress, mattress protector, quilt, two pillows and one extra blanket (patients are required to bring their own quilt cover and pillow cases)
  • One bedside table with drawer and small cupboard
  • One reading lamp (fixed in place)
  • One wardrobe with two drawers
  • Two shelves
  • One desk and stationary desk chair
  • One wash basin with hot and cold tap (should patients wish to bring a mirror to aid personal care and shaving, they must be assessed prior to arrival)

I had imagined how I would set these furnishings and hoped that the layout were similar to the pictures in mind. I had no need or want for a mirror and so ignored the final bullet point. I made a copy of the document and stored it in a file in my home office. The document was later titled ‘Investigation,’ following the arrival of further information.

The postman rarely loaded my letter cubby but came on a Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of the week before my admittance with more leaflets and fliers from the institute. Little did they know that they were aiding my investigation into institutes for the criminally insane. That week was a busy week.

I should write down how I managed to get to where I have after such a great period of time out of the field. Following a less than satisfactory childhood, troubled teen years and extensive study in Psychology, resulting in two degrees, I decided that I should do something interesting and useful with my days. I left university at the age of twenty-two and worked in an underwear factory for a number of years after failing to find work associated with my chosen career. I was at a loose end so I spent the best part of three years developing a plan to gain entry to an institute for the criminally insane; always my favourite line of work.

The planning and pretending itself was the hardest part of my plan. I went to great measures to secure a place in the institute but I must say that I do not think of myself as a criminal. My actions are justified due to the nature of the investigation. I need not mention exactly how I managed to get myself into Holville but I did. My investigation started around six weeks before I first arrived with a series of interviews with senior staff, police and other seemingly authoritative bodies.

I wanna be a solider!


Have you ever heard them talking?

It’s all, ‘Back in my day,’ or, ‘when we were young,’ or, ‘my, my, the youth of today…’

Well, if only they listened to what I wanted to say. I wanna be a soldier. I wanna be big and brave. I wanna be respected. I wanna fight for my country. I wanna be just like my Grandpa.

We’re not all the same, us youth of today, I have respect for my elders, and I listen to my Grandpa and enjoy his stories. The way he tells his stories sets my imagination running.

I imagine the fields of long grass, the sweat dripping down his brow, the weight of weapons making the trek even harder than it already is, the empty shells falling, the fear, the excitement, all of the emotions you could possibly think of, the letters home, the smell of burning, the taste of burning, smoke and dust and wet and cold and everything, just everything.

He read me a letter once, a beautifully written letter that made it all the way from the very house we were sat in, to France during the war, a letter addressed to Albie, which I presume was short for Albert. My grandpa, no one had ever actually told me his name, he was always just, ‘Grandpa,’ to me.

The letter spoke of news from home, it told of the smells from the kitchen, the emptiness in the bedroom, and the sorry state of the vegetable patch in your absence, how sad it was seeing children sent to the country and how lonely the sweethearts were without their men. It was signed, ‘your darling, Evie,’ my grandma.

I played at school with all of the boys, there were two sides, like there are in most wars and we had a big hill at our school. It doesn’t seem as big anymore but I guess it’s because I’ve grown. We were one side; they were the other, making our way up the hill on our tummies with guns of fingers and thumbs. When I was shot down by the enemy, I got straight back up again, I guess it’s not like that in real life but it was just a game to us.

Grandpa said it was never a game to him or his men, he always said that at the end of his stories,

‘It was never a game girlie, never a game.’

Then he sits down in his armchair, lights his pipe and remains silent with only the droning sound of old records still playing.

I still wanna be a soldier, just like my Grandpa and his men.

For Lucy’s Christening.


We weren’t quite sure just what to do, when you were handed too us.

Whether to hold you close and tight, whether to make a fuss.

We wondered who you would look like, I’d hoped you’d have my ears,

We spent so many months worrying, and then you were finally here.

You do have your father’s ears, but you have your mother’s eyes,

And our only wish we now have for you, is that you grow to be old and wise.

And big, and happy, and strong and brave, clever, funny and beautiful,

We already have such love for you, being your parents is truly wonderful.

Please know that our feelings are unconditional, and that we wouldn’t change a thing about you,

The lack of sleep and extra washing, how boring life would be without little Lulu.

Ode to Leroy.


Midnight lay there dreaming,

Thankful for the warmth,

Cosy on their purple sofa,

Waiting for the dawn.

When he’d take his chubby, chunky self,

Upstairs to their bedroom,

And pounce upon his rescuers,

‘Please can you feed me soon?’

They’d both slip on their dressing gowns,

And wander down the stairs,

To feed the greedy black boy,

And the other girls.

And Midnight sat there scoffing,

Then settled on the rug,

He purred and nudged his rescuers,

To give him one more love.

He thanked them for their kindness,

For food and friends and heat,

For giving him lots of cuddles,

And taking him off the street.

But now Midnight has moved again,

He goes by a different name,

Loved he is, by his new mother,

And she loves him all the same.

The Christmas Countdown: A Song A Day.

1 White Christmas Bing Crosby
2 The Chipmunk Song The Chipmunks
3 Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer Gene Autry
4 I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus Jimmy Boyd
5 Jingle Bell Rock Bobby Helms
6 The Christmas Song Nat King Cole
7 Snoopy’s Christmas The Royal Guardsmen
8 Here Comes Santa Claus Gene Autry
9 Little Drummer Boy Harry Simeone Chorale
10 Donde Esta Santa Claus Augie Rios
11 Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree Brenda Lee
12 You’re All I Want For Christmas Brook Benton
13 Baby’s First Christmas Connie Francis
14 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Bruce Springsteen
15 Home For The Holidays Perry Como
16 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Four Seasons
17 Do They Know It’s Christmas Band Aid
18 Happy Christmas (War is Over) John Lennon and Yoko Ono
19 May You Always Harry Harrison
20 Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer Elmo and Patsy
21 Jingle Bell Rock Chubby Checker & Bobby Rydell
22 Jingle Bells Singing Dogs
23 Frosty the Snowman Gene Autry
24 Merry Christmas Darling The Carpenters
25 Little St. Nick The Beach Boys
26 Please Come Home For Christmas Charles Brown
27 It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas Perry Como & The Fontaine Sisters
28 Feliz Navidad José Feliciano
29 Santa Baby Eartha Kitt
30 Do You Hear What I Hear Bing Crosby
31 Blue Christmas Elvis Presley
32 Run Rudolph Run Chuck Berry
33 (Sleep in Heavenly Peace) Silent Night Barbra Streisand
34 Nuttin’ for Christmas Barry Gordon
35 Wonderful Christmastime Paul McCartney
36 Step Into Christmas Elton John
37 The Christmas Waltz Frank Sinatra
38 All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth Spike Jones
39 Please Come Home For Christmas The Eagles
40 Amen The Impressions
41 Monsters’ Holiday Bobby ‘Boris’ Pickett
42 Holly Jolly Christmas Burl Ives
43 Give Love on Christmas Day The Jackson Five
44 Dominick, The Italian Christmas Donkey Lou Monte
45 White Christmas The Drifters
46 It’s Christmas Everywhere Paul Anka
47 Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas Carla Thomas
48 Christmas Dragnet Stan Freberg & Daws Butler
49 Sleigh Ride – (Instrumental) Arthur Fiedler & The Boston Pops
50 Pretty Paper Roy Orbison
51 Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) Darlene Love
52 If It Doesn’t Snow on Christmas Gene Autry
53 What Christmas Means To Me Stevie Wonder
54 Marshmallow World Dean Martin
55 Winter Wonderland Aretha Franklin
56 Merry, Merry Christmas Baby Margo Sylvia & The Tuneweavers
57 Frosty the Snowman The Ronettes
58 Christmas Auld Lang Syne Bobby Darin
59 Jingle Bells (Instrumental) Booker T and The MG’s
60 Silver Bells Johnny Mathis
61 Merry Christmas All Denise Montana
62 Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer The Melodeers
63 Santa Claus is Coming To Town The Crystals
64 Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas Frank Sinatra
65 Sleigh Ride The Ventures
66 The Most Wonderful Time of The Year Andy Williams
67 Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy David Bowie and Bing Crosby
68 Winter Wonderland Darlene Love
69 Happy Holidays Steve Lawrence & Eydie Gorme
70 Kissin’ By The Mistletoe Aretha Franklin
71 The Man With All The Toys The Beach Boys
72 The Twelve Days of Christmas Ray Conniff Singers
73 Here Comes Santa Claus Bob B. Soxx & The Blue Jeans
74 We Need A Little Christmas Percy Faith Orchestra
75 Last Christmas George Michael & Wham
76 Silent Night The Temptations
77 We Wish You The Merriest Bing Crosby & Frank Sinatra
78 White Christmas Darlene Love
79 Santa Claus Is Watching You Ray Stevens
80 This Christmas Donny Hathaway
81 A Christmas Long Ago The Echelons
82 Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow Dean Martin
83 Sleigh Ride The Ronettes
84 Mistletoe and Holly Frank Sinatra
85 It’s Christmas Once Again Frankie Lymon & The Teenagers
86 ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas Fred Waring & The Pennsylvanians
87 This Time of Year Brook Benton
88 Parade of The Wooden Soldiers The Crystals
89 Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree Dion
90 Chrissy, The Christmas Mouse Debbie Reynolds & Donald O’Connor
91 Marshmallow World Darlene Love
92 Christmas Serenade Johnny Maestro & The Brooklyn Bridge
93 Christmas Ain’t Christmas The O’Jays
94 You’re My Christmas Present Jimmy Beaumont & The Skyliners
95 I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus The Ronettes
96 I Believe in Father Christmas Greg Lake
97 Someday At Christmas Stevie Wonder
98 Merry Christmas Baby Otis Redding
99 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Frank Sinatra & Cyndi Lauper
100 Bells of St. Mary Bob B. Soxx & The Blue Jeans

List courtesy of http://digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/music0_christmas.html
I do not own this list.